And you think your job is bad......
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Classified Ads


These classifieds actually ran in a Minneapolis newspaper - a smile for
your day . . .  


FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.  

FREE PUPPIES
Mother,  AKC German Shepherd.  
Father, Super Dog. Able to leap tall fences in a single bound.  

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.  
Better be a big reward.  

COWS FOR SALE - NEVER BRED
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.  

GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown - 89 cents/lb.  

JOINING NUDIST COLONY  
Must sell washer and dryer $300.  

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE  
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.  

And the my favorite . . .

FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent
condition.$1,000 or best offer No longer needed. Got married last month.
Wife knows everything.
More Fun Stuff
The Other Stall:

Traveling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom, I stopped at a rest area and headed
to the restroom.


I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying, “Hi, how are you?"


I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I
answered, somewhat embarrassed,  "Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says, "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say, "Uhhh, I'm like you,
just traveling!"??

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question, "Can I come
over?"

Ok, that’s it!  This question is just too weird for me and I figured I  would just end the conversation. I
tell them, "No..I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the person say nervously, "Listen, I'll have to call you back.   There's an idiot in the other
stall who keeps answering all my questions.”


Cell phones, don't you just love them!
The Ostrich

 

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to

the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.



A short time later the waitress returns with the order.  "That will

be $9.40 please."  The man reaches into his pocket and

pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man

says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke.."



The ostrich says, "I'll have the same.."



Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.



This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?"

asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and

a salad," says the man.



"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."



Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and

places it on the table.



The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.  "Excuse me,

sir.  How do you manage to always come up with the exact change

in your pocket every time?"



"Well," says  the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and

found an old lamp.  When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered

me two wishes.   My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,

I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money

would always be there."



"That's  brilliant!" says the waitress.  "Most  people would ask for a

million dollars or something, but you'll  always be as rich as you want

for as long as you live!"



"That's right.  Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact

money is always there," says the man..



The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"



The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick

with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.."



WELL HELLO !!!!!!